Personnel Files: Baron Samedi, Part 2

Alright, first of all, Baron Samedi is 👌. That’s right, he is so fine that I am going to use all of my wisdom to teach some copyeditor what an emoji is, and all of my clout as the second most powerful being in The Bureau of Death to force the poor bastard to include it in The Handbook. If you are not aware of exactly how fine that is, let me just say that it is extremely fine.

Aside from the charming tuxedo, dashing top hat, and booty that is literally to die for, Baron Samedi is generally an extremely cool dude. Don’t let the fancy duds or the impressive title trick you into thinking that he’s a respectable gentleman. Conversations with him are no holds barred, nothing off the table. His words are the only things more perverse than Zeus’s actions. He’ll use every dirty word you know, and at least 3 you didn’t, just to say “Hello.” Like, when I say [EXPLETIVE DELETED] around Atropos, she chastises my language for being too coarse. But when I say it around Baron Samedi, he chastises my language for being too fine. In an underworld full of boring prudes and legitimate psychos, he’s easily the second most fun person down here. (With myself being the most fun person, obvs –Sis) (Must you annotate your own writing? Truly, you rival Narcissus himself –Chloe) (Yes, I do, and no, I really do not. Shut up –Sis) But, at the end of the day, anyone can be a rude, vulgar asshole. What makes Samedi special is that his vulgarity doesn’t interfere with his duties (See the previous section for what all that entails). When it comes to actually getting the job done, he’s always exactly as respectful as he needs to be, and carries out tasks efficiently and without complaint. And it’s a good thing, too; as an extra-Hellenistic deity, one toe out of line is all it takes to send him packing to Tartarus. Luckily, his work ethic and general likeability, coupled with my dedicated interest in preventing that from happening, have managed to prevent that from happening.

Though he may not seem it, and he would certainly never admit it, Baron Samedi is a 300% S+ rank sweetheart. He’s one of the few people, other than me, who spends much time hanging out with Lethe; he claims that he just wants to say something to her so shocking and vulgar that she has no choice but to remember it, but I know he enjoys her company, if only because he takes some perverse satisfaction from trying to corrupt an eternally innocent mind. And she enjoys spending time with him, too. At first, I had to explain each time that he was just teasing, and meant no ill will, but it seems like recently, she’s gotten used to it. I still have to introduce him each time, but some part of her remembers him. And that is adorable as Hell. I’d ship them.