Friday, November 3, 2017

Equipment Files: Skullfang

The Grim Scythe is cool and fearsome as Hell, but it’s not the coolest or fearsomest weapon in the Reaper arsenal, mostly because it’s not really a weapon at all. Skullfang remedies this deficiency by being a weapon to the greatest extent possible, one precision-engineered by Athena to be insanely cool and fearsome. Skullfang includes many useful features, not least of which is the bitchin’ skull on the hilt. In terms of practicality, it boasts a wicked blade (pitch black, of course) that’s sharper than my wit and harder than loving Eris. Plus, a mere thought can set it ablaze with flames hotter than that burn just now. Since Athena always goes the extra mile, the flames come in a variety of rad colors, like black, violet, blue, blood red, rainbow, hot pink, (because fire is hot, you see) darker black, and I guess orange if you’re some kind of chump. Another neat thing about Skullfang is its name, Skullfang, which is extremely good. The Skull comes from the skull on the hilt, and a fang is something that’s sharp, like a sword, which is what Skullfang is. Unlike a lot of your equipment, Skullfang isn’t a replica of anything; it’s a completely original weapon designed for reapers, which is always cooler than jacking someone else’s style.

But I’ve saved the best feature for last. You may notice that I’ve neglected to mention exactly what kind of sword Skullfang is (other than “a damn fine one”). That’s because it’s all of them.  The same way you can activate the flames, you can also change the blade’s shape to a type of sword that fits your fighting style. You can make it a shortsword, (best for dual wielding) a rapier, (good for stabbing) a scimitar, (good for… horse warfare? I’ll see if I can hook you up with some sick skeleton horses to make this happen) a greatsword, (very big sword wielded with two hands) a claymore, (another very big sword wielded with two hands that I guess is somehow different from greatsword) and probably some other things, too. Maybe a sword-whip thing? That would be tight as Hell. The transformation happens in less than a second, so it can be used mid-battle to throw off your opponents. You can also do some fancy moves like stabbing someone with the rapier, then transforming it into a claymore while it’s inside them, turning a small stab into a big stab.

While looking cool is the main function of Skullfang’s flames, they’re “technically” there because they allow the blade to cut through souls, allowing Skullfang to function as a backup reaping tool, in case your scythe is busted or whatever. A heavier form like a claymore is your best bet for making a clean cut with it, but even then, you’re way better off using a scythe, so Skullfang should only be used for reaping in emergencies. That said, you should also only really use it for fighting in emergencies; if you ever find yourself in a confrontation, remember that your most powerful weapon is teamwork. So, if at all possible, run like Hell and find someone stronger to fight so you don’t have to. There’s a whole process you can go through to request combat assistance from the Bureau, which you can find somewhere else in this book. But if you keep shouting long enough in the Special Task Office, that’ll probably do the trick. Just be sure to clarify that you’re ignoring proper procedure because you’re lazy, not because of how bad the situation is. Whatever it is you’re trying to get out of fighting, I assure you that you’d fare better against it than you would trying to explain to Atropos why she was summoned to lay waste to a nymph that got a little too saucy.

Tuesday, March 21, 2017

You are Fine


You are fine.

You are confused. But you are fine.

You are alone. But you are fine.

You are scared. But you are fine.

I know, because I am confused, I am alone, and I am scared. But I am fine. And I am you. I am Lethe, the forgotten daughter of Eris. You are Lethe, The Goddess of Forgetfulness and Oblivion. And we are brave.

If you do not remember reading this, then you probably just woke up with no idea who you are, or where you are, or why you have forgotten. So I have written this note to tell you. As I already said, you are Lethe, Goddess of Oblivion. Your home is Lethe, the River of Oblivion. And you have forgotten everything because of who you are. Because of what I have made you.
Gods and Goddesses are changed by the domains they oversee, and you are no exception. As Goddess of Forgetfulness, you will be incapable of forming long term memories, and will retain very few, if any, from your life before. On top of that, your name, your domain, your very existence, will be forgotten by most. You will forget, you will be forgotten, and you will suffer. And it’s all my fault. You may hate me for that. And that’s fine. But I won’t apologize for my decision, because I made the right choice. You made the right choice. If there is any mercy in this universe, then you have forgotten why this is the right choice. And I beg for you to keep it that way. Because we always look on the bright side, and if there’s one bright side to this whole mess, it’s that you are now free from that burden. But I will ask that you not hate anyone else for the suffering that I alone have brought upon you. The Fates may have assigned you this domain, but only at my insistence; Aunties Chloe, Sis, and Atropos love you very much, and would be terribly hurt if you were to resent them. You may be tempted to hate all the cowardly gods who could have taken forgetfulness as their domain, but left you to suffer instead. But they do not deserve your hatred. Perhaps they are cowards. But you are brave. And that is fine.

As Goddess of Forgetfulness, your duty is to remove memories from those who know things they shouldn’t, and dispose of them in the river Lethe. I cannot tell you how to do this, but as Goddess of Oblivion, it should come to you as naturally as breathing. You will report directly to The Moirai: Atropos, Lachesis, and Clotho. The exact protocols governing your duties have not yet been formulated, so until you are told otherwise, you are only to remove memories if ordered by The Moirai (see Useful Job Tips below for new rules! VERY IMPORTANT). It may be difficult to do such an important job without memories, but you can do it. I believe in you.

Please write in this journal regularly, so that the Lethe who wakes up tomorrow can be a bit less confused, alone, and scared than the one who woke up today. It doesn’t have to be every day, just any day you learn something helpful. Thank you.

Dear Past Lethe,
You were right. I was confused, and alone, and scared, and so much more. But now I think I’m fine. Thank you. I feel silly for writing this. I know you can’t read it. You don’t exist anymore. But I still feel grateful.

I’m happy to say that I haven’t forgotten everything. I remember my name. Lethe. I remember Auntie Chloe, and Auntie Atropos, and especially Auntie Sis. And I remember promising to help them any way I could. And that’s it. It’s not much. But it’s enough. I don’t remember mom, though. At first I thought that was sad. But then I met her, and now I think that maybe it’s good that I forgot.

Auntie Sis said that this was my first day as Goddess of Oblivion. Which means that if you’re reading this, it isn’t your first day. You got through yesterday. And you’ll get through today. Because you’re fine.

I don’t think I like this job. Or, I guess, I don’t like the people I have to talk to. They’re not nice like Auntie Sis. They’re not even mean like Auntie Atropos. She only got mad at me when I was in trouble. I didn’t like it when she was mad at me, so I tried to stay out of trouble. I think she wanted me to stay out of trouble because she’s actually nice. But the people today weren’t. If I was in trouble, I didn’t know why. they asked me to do things that I can’t do, and then got mad when I said that I couldn’t. I asked why they were mad, and how I could make them not mad. But that just made them even more mad. A lot of them yelled at me, calling me mean names and threatening me. One of them even attacked me, which was scary. But he wasn’t a god, and I was, so I was a lot stronger than him. And that’s why I wrote this down. At first, I didn’t want to, because I didn’t want you to be scared of all the bad things that could happen to you. But I realized that it’s fine, because you are strong enough to take care of any bad things that happen. It’s fine if you are scared, because you are also brave.

Useful Job Tips (IMPORTANT!)
DO NOT let anyone drink from the river. You can drink from it just fine, but I guess something very bad will happen if anyone else tries to drink it.
Don’t talk to people who don’t know your name. If they have something important to say, they’ll remember you.
Keep a log of all memory removals, including when it happened, who had their memories removed, who told you to do it, and a description of the memory (nothing too secret!)
Anyone can ask you to remove their own memories. But you have to look around in their memories to make sure they aren’t being forced to, or anything like that.
If someone asks you to remove someone else’s memories, you can only do that if they are an important person, or have a special paper from an important person saying that they’re allowed.  A list of important people can be found on the poster by the door.
When removing someone’s memories, always remove their memory of having their memory removed. Put a check mark in the log when you do this, so you know you remembered.
Try not to get mad. If someone is mad at you, getting mad at them will probably make things worse.
If you get mad at someone, at least try to act like you’re not mad. If they know that you’re mad, they will get more mad.
Don’t get mad at yourself if you end up getting mad at them. You tried your best.
If someone is acting scary, say that you’ll tell on them to Atropos. That might get them to be nice.
If it doesn’t get them to be nice, tell on them to Lachesis. They won’t be as scared of her as they are of Atropos, but they should be.
You don’t have to feel bad for anyone Lachesis punishes because of you. You warned them.

REMINDER: You are not alone. You are loved. Auntie Sis told me that today. And I believe her. I was feeling sad, but when she visited me, she knew exactly what to say to cheer me up. She’s just as funny and nice as she was before. She also said that I should talk to her or Chloe or Atropos if I feel sad. Or even if I don’t. And I think you should, too. I had a lot of fun with her. Also, if she asks if you want a hug, say yes. The same thing goes for Chloe. And Atropos.

Auntie Chloe also loves you. At least, I think that’s what she said. She still uses a lot of big words, and I don’t remember what they all mean. But she sounded really… happy. You know, that way she only talks when she’s really excited about something. And she was talking about how she would always be there for me.

Auntie Atropos loves you, too. “Unconditionally,” she said, which I think means “no matter what.” Even if you mess up your job and make things harder for her. Even if you couldn’t do your job at all. Even if you get really mad at her and say things that you don’t mean. She still loves you.

I don’t know if Baron Samedi loves you, but I think he is a very good friend. You won’t recognize him; he is a very handsome skeleton with a top hat and a nice suit. I don’t want to describe him too much, because he wants me to remember him on my own. But I want you to know that he doesn’t like being mean, so if he accidentally says something mean, please tell him. He will apologize and try to make things better. He’s very good at that.