Equipment Files: Skullfang

The Grim Scythe is cool and fearsome as Hell, but it’s not the coolest or fearsomest weapon in the Reaper arsenal, mostly because it’s not really a weapon at all. Skullfang remedies this deficiency by being a weapon to the greatest extent possible, one precision-engineered by Athena to be insanely cool and fearsome. Skullfang includes many useful features, not least of which is the bitchin’ skull on the hilt. In terms of practicality, it boasts a wicked blade (pitch black, of course) that’s sharper than my wit and harder than loving Eris. Plus, a mere thought can set it ablaze with flames hotter than that burn just now. Since Athena always goes the extra mile, the flames come in a variety of rad colors, like black, violet, blue, blood red, rainbow, hot pink, (because fire is hot, you see) darker black, and I guess orange if you’re some kind of chump. Another neat thing about Skullfang is its name, Skullfang, which is extremely good. The Skull comes from the skull on the hilt, and a fang is something that’s sharp, like a sword, which is what Skullfang is. Unlike a lot of your equipment, Skullfang isn’t a replica of anything; it’s a completely original weapon designed for reapers, which is always cooler than jacking someone else’s style.


But I’ve saved the best feature for last. You may notice that I’ve neglected to mention exactly what kind of sword Skullfang is (other than “a damn fine one”). That’s because it’s all of them.  The same way you can activate the flames, you can also change the blade’s shape to a type of sword that fits your fighting style. You can make it a shortsword, (best for dual wielding) a rapier, (good for stabbing) a scimitar, (good for… horse warfare? I’ll see if I can hook you up with some sick skeleton horses to make this happen) a greatsword, (very big sword wielded with two hands) a claymore, (another very big sword wielded with two hands that I guess is somehow different from greatsword) and probably some other things, too. Maybe a sword-whip thing? That would be tight as Hell. The transformation happens in less than a second, so it can be used mid-battle to throw off your opponents. You can also do some fancy moves like stabbing someone with the rapier, then transforming it into a claymore while it’s inside them, turning a small stab into a big stab.


While looking cool is the main function of Skullfang’s flames, they’re “technically” there because they allow the blade to cut through souls, allowing Skullfang to function as a backup reaping tool, in case your scythe is busted or whatever. A heavier form like a claymore is your best bet for making a clean cut with it, but even then, you’re way better off using a scythe, so Skullfang should only be used for reaping in emergencies. That said, you should also only really use it for fighting in emergencies; if you ever find yourself in a confrontation, remember that your most powerful weapon is teamwork. So, if at all possible, run like Hell and find someone stronger to fight so you don’t have to. There’s a whole process you can go through to request combat assistance from the Bureau, which you can find somewhere else in this book. But if you keep shouting long enough in the Special Task Office, that’ll probably do the trick. Just be sure to clarify that you’re ignoring proper procedure because you’re lazy, not because of how bad the situation is. Whatever it is you’re trying to get out of fighting, I assure you that you’d fare better against it than you would trying to explain to Atropos why she was summoned to lay waste to a nymph that got a little too saucy.

You are Fine

PLEASE READ THIS

You are fine.

You are confused. But you are fine.

You are alone. But you are fine.

You are scared. But you are fine.

I know, because I am confused, I am alone, and I am scared. But I am fine. And I am you. I am Lethe, the forgotten daughter of Eris. You are Lethe, The Goddess of Forgetfulness and Oblivion. And we are brave.

If you do not remember reading this, then you probably just woke up with no idea who you are, or where you are, or why you have forgotten. So I have written this note to tell you. As I already said, you are Lethe, Goddess of Oblivion. Your home is Lethe, the River of Oblivion. And you have forgotten everything because of who you are. Because of what I have made you.
Gods and Goddesses are changed by the domains they oversee, and you are no exception. As Goddess of Forgetfulness, you will be incapable of forming long term memories, and will retain very few, if any, from your life before. On top of that, your name, your domain, your very existence, will be forgotten by most. You will forget, you will be forgotten, and you will suffer. And it’s all my fault. You may hate me for that. And that’s fine. But I won’t apologize for my decision, because I made the right choice. You made the right choice. If there is any mercy in this universe, then you have forgotten why this is the right choice. And I beg for you to keep it that way. Because we always look on the bright side, and if there’s one bright side to this whole mess, it’s that you are now free from that burden. But I will ask that you not hate anyone else for the suffering that I alone have brought upon you. The Fates may have assigned you this domain, but only at my insistence; Aunties Chloe, Sis, and Atropos love you very much, and would be terribly hurt if you were to resent them. You may be tempted to hate all the cowardly gods who could have taken forgetfulness as their domain, but left you to suffer instead. But they do not deserve your hatred. Perhaps they are cowards. But you are brave. And that is fine.

As Goddess of Forgetfulness, your duty is to remove memories from those who know things they shouldn’t, and dispose of them in the river Lethe. I cannot tell you how to do this, but as Goddess of Oblivion, it should come to you as naturally as breathing. You will report directly to The Moirai: Atropos, Lachesis, and Clotho. The exact protocols governing your duties have not yet been formulated, so until you are told otherwise, you are only to remove memories if ordered by The Moirai (see Useful Job Tips below for new rules! VERY IMPORTANT). It may be difficult to do such an important job without memories, but you can do it. I believe in you.

Please write in this journal regularly, so that the Lethe who wakes up tomorrow can be a bit less confused, alone, and scared than the one who woke up today. It doesn’t have to be every day, just any day you learn something helpful. Thank you.

Dear Past Lethe,
You were right. I was confused, and alone, and scared, and so much more. But now I think I’m fine. Thank you. I feel silly for writing this. I know you can’t read it. You don’t exist anymore. But I still feel grateful.

I’m happy to say that I haven’t forgotten everything. I remember my name. Lethe. I remember Auntie Chloe, and Auntie Atropos, and especially Auntie Sis. And I remember promising to help them any way I could. And that’s it. It’s not much. But it’s enough. I don’t remember mom, though. At first I thought that was sad. But then I met her, and now I think that maybe it’s good that I forgot.

Auntie Sis said that this was my first day as Goddess of Oblivion. Which means that if you’re reading this, it isn’t your first day. You got through yesterday. And you’ll get through today. Because you’re fine.

IMPORTANT NOTE:
I don’t think I like this job. Or, I guess, I don’t like the people I have to talk to. They’re not nice like Auntie Sis. They’re not even mean like Auntie Atropos. She only got mad at me when I was in trouble. I didn’t like it when she was mad at me, so I tried to stay out of trouble. I think she wanted me to stay out of trouble because she’s actually nice. But the people today weren’t. If I was in trouble, I didn’t know why. they asked me to do things that I can’t do, and then got mad when I said that I couldn’t. I asked why they were mad, and how I could make them not mad. But that just made them even more mad. A lot of them yelled at me, calling me mean names and threatening me. One of them even attacked me, which was scary. But he wasn’t a god, and I was, so I was a lot stronger than him. And that’s why I wrote this down. At first, I didn’t want to, because I didn’t want you to be scared of all the bad things that could happen to you. But I realized that it’s fine, because you are strong enough to take care of any bad things that happen. It’s fine if you are scared, because you are also brave.

Useful Job Tips (IMPORTANT!)
• DO NOT let anyone drink from the river. You can drink from it just fine, but I guess something very bad will happen if anyone else tries to drink it.
• Don’t talk to people who don’t know your name. If they have something important to say, they’ll remember you.
• Keep a log of all memory removals, including when it happened, who had their memories removed, who told you to do it, and a description of the memory (nothing too secret!)
• Anyone can ask you to remove their own memories. But you have to look around in their memories to make sure they aren’t being forced to, or anything like that.
• If someone asks you to remove someone else’s memories, you can only do that if they are an important person, or have a special paper from an important person saying that they’re allowed.  A list of important people can be found on the poster by the door.
• When removing someone’s memories, always remove their memory of having their memory removed. Put a check mark in the log when you do this, so you know you remembered.
• Try not to get mad. If someone is mad at you, getting mad at them will probably make things worse.
• If you get mad at someone, at least try to act like you’re not mad. If they know that you’re mad, they will get more mad.
• Don’t get mad at yourself if you end up getting mad at them. You tried your best.
• If someone is acting scary, say that you’ll tell on them to Atropos. That might get them to be nice.
• If it doesn’t get them to be nice, tell on them to Lachesis. They won’t be as scared of her as they are of Atropos, but they should be.
• You don’t have to feel bad for anyone Lachesis punishes because of you. You warned them.


REMINDER: You are not alone. You are loved. Auntie Sis told me that today. And I believe her. I was feeling sad, but when she visited me, she knew exactly what to say to cheer me up. She’s just as funny and nice as she was before. She also said that I should talk to her or Chloe or Atropos if I feel sad. Or even if I don’t. And I think you should, too. I had a lot of fun with her. Also, if she asks if you want a hug, say yes. The same thing goes for Chloe. And Atropos.

Auntie Chloe also loves you. At least, I think that’s what she said. She still uses a lot of big words, and I don’t remember what they all mean. But she sounded really… happy. You know, that way she only talks when she’s really excited about something. And she was talking about how she would always be there for me.

Auntie Atropos loves you, too. “Unconditionally,” she said, which I think means “no matter what.” Even if you mess up your job and make things harder for her. Even if you couldn’t do your job at all. Even if you get really mad at her and say things that you don’t mean. She still loves you.

I don’t know if Baron Samedi loves you, but I think he is a very good friend. You won’t recognize him; he is a very handsome skeleton with a top hat and a nice suit. I don’t want to describe him too much, because he wants me to remember him on my own. But I want you to know that he doesn’t like being mean, so if he accidentally says something mean, please tell him. He will apologize and try to make things better. He’s very good at that.

Personnel Files: Baron Samedi, Part 2

Alright, first of all, Baron Samedi is 👌. That’s right, he is so fine that I am going to use all of my wisdom to teach some copyeditor what an emoji is, and all of my clout as the second most powerful being in The Bureau of Death to force the poor bastard to include it in The Handbook. If you are not aware of exactly how fine that is, let me just say that it is extremely fine.

Aside from the charming tuxedo, dashing top hat, and booty that is literally to die for, Baron Samedi is generally an extremely cool dude. Don’t let the fancy duds or the impressive title trick you into thinking that he’s a respectable gentleman. Conversations with him are no holds barred, nothing off the table. His words are the only things more perverse than Zeus’s actions. He’ll use every dirty word you know, and at least 3 you didn’t, just to say “Hello.” Like, when I say [EXPLETIVE DELETED] around Atropos, she chastises my language for being too coarse. But when I say it around Baron Samedi, he chastises my language for being too fine. In an underworld full of boring prudes and legitimate psychos, he’s easily the second most fun person down here. (With myself being the most fun person, obvs –Sis) (Must you annotate your own writing? Truly, you rival Narcissus himself –Chloe) (Yes, I do, and no, I really do not. Shut up –Sis) But, at the end of the day, anyone can be a rude, vulgar asshole. What makes Samedi special is that his vulgarity doesn’t interfere with his duties (See the previous section for what all that entails). When it comes to actually getting the job done, he’s always exactly as respectful as he needs to be, and carries out tasks efficiently and without complaint. And it’s a good thing, too; as an extra-Hellenistic deity, one toe out of line is all it takes to send him packing to Tartarus. Luckily, his work ethic and general likeability, coupled with my dedicated interest in preventing that from happening, have managed to prevent that from happening.

Though he may not seem it, and he would certainly never admit it, Baron Samedi is a 300% S+ rank sweetheart. He’s one of the few people, other than me, who spends much time hanging out with Lethe; he claims that he just wants to say something to her so shocking and vulgar that she has no choice but to remember it, but I know he enjoys her company, if only because he takes some perverse satisfaction from trying to corrupt an eternally innocent mind. And she enjoys spending time with him, too. At first, I had to explain each time that he was just teasing, and meant no ill will, but it seems like recently, she’s gotten used to it. I still have to introduce him each time, but some part of her remembers him. And that is adorable as Hell. I’d ship them.

Personnel Files: Baron Samedi Part 1

A rare instance of an Extra-Hellenistic Reaper under the employ of The Bureau of Death, Samedi is not to be trusted with the handling of souls or quintessence. As such, he is responsible for the physical death of mortals, a task which is necessary, but which many Higher Ranking Officials believe to be beneath them. In his own pantheon, he oversaw the destruction of deceased corpses as a means of preventing sorcerers from taking their souls and turning them into zombies. Though sorcery has more or less fallen out of fashion with mortals, the rotting of corpses still serves a purpose, exemplī grātia, mortals would grow suspicious if their dead suddenly ceased decomposition. But his role is entirely discrete from the role of a Reaper. As such, there is little reason for Reapers to be briefed on his tasks or how he carries them out.

What makes Baron Samedi worth mentioning within this handbook is his precarious political position within the spheres of the divine. It is extraordinarily unorthodox to allow an Extra-Hellenistic deity to live outside of Tartarus, let alone entrust them with tasks vital to our operations. As such, his position is controversial, but enough deities with enough influence have decided that he is trustworthy enough, even if their arguments for believing so amount to little more than him being “likeable”. He is particularly well-liked among those who value crassness; he can be rude and unseemly at times, but so long as his behavior doesn’t interfere with his duties, (which it never does) it is none of The Bureau’s concern. Among the most prominent proponents of his freedom are Dionysus, Zeus, and even one of the Sisters of Fate. (Why even bother being ambiguous about it? They’re gonna know it’s me when they read the next section -Sis) Notable detractors of his are Hera, Demeter, Apollo. It is worth noting that, while he is not outwardly malicious towards Baron Samedi, Hades does harbor a quiet resentment towards him, perhaps stemming from envy. (It actually really isn’t worth noting. At all. –Hades)

His job has him working with the bodies of the recently deceased, so it is not uncommon for him to cross paths with Reapers. He is generally rather friendly, and will often converse with Reapers that he meets. (If one can consider obscenities and crude jokes to be “conversation”) So long as Reapers don’t allow souls or quintessence to come into his possession, or break any of the Rules of the Reaper, they may interact with him however they wish. However, they must do so with caution; speaking with him is not for the faint of heart.

Equipment Files: The Arrow of Time

                The Arrow of Time is the fourth (4th) most powerful weapon in known existence. (See Equipment files: The Loathsome Shears for further details on the most powerful weapon in known existence) It also bears the distinction of being the most powerful weapon authorized for use by a non-deity entity, as sufficiently high-ranking reapers of the Special Task Force are permitted to use it, provided the proper paperwork has been filed. It is further worth noting that it is one of the few weapons in The Reaper’s Armory usable by a being not affiliated with The Bureau of Death, namely Artemis, who, among all gods, is most adroit with a bow and arrow.

The Arrow of Time was created for a singular purpose: to kill a god. Not to kill one god in particular, but to kill any god who may be deemed a threat to The Pantheon. The arrow’s development began immediately after the end of The Divine War, as a countermeasure to prevent a second Divine War before it ever began. Though the Extra-Hellenistic deities outside of Tartarus number too few to pose a significant threat, and a breakout at Tartarus is impossible, The Moirai are nothing if not thorough. To put it in layman’s terms, the arrow works by piercing a deity’s natural protection against aging. Essentially, it renders a divine being into a being that is functionally similar to a mortal. It must be noted that the effects of The Arrow of Time are purely theoretical, as the arrow has never been fired on a divine test subject. That is not to say that its effectiveness is entirely speculation; it was the product of many decades of Research and Development. If nothing else, the fact that none are willing to serve as its target practice is a testament to its lethality.

  The arrow itself is crafted from a femur of Chronos, tipped by an incisor of Cronos. (Note that these are two distinct entities – the former is the God of Time, while the latter is the father of Zeus.) Its tip is aflame with the fires of the nine (9) circles of Hell. The shaft is painted with each of the seven (7) colors the original Covenant’s Rainbow. The bone’s marrow has been replaced with a unique poison, a mixture that includes water from each of the five (5) rivers of Hades. For fletching, it has three (3) feathers, each plucked from a being of a foreign pantheon. One, the feather of a winged serpent, one, the feather of one who oversees the desert skies, and one, feather of a three-legged crow. All forged within the Heart of Chaos, the One (1) being to have shattered the symmetry of time. But an arrow made as described is only a vessel. The true power of The Arrow of Time is imbued by ritual. From the moment of its creation, the names of all gods of time are uttered over it, stretching into eternity in both directions. In the future direction, they are spoken in reverse; in the past direction, they are spoken forwards, converging on the moment of creation.

The Bureau of Death waives responsibility for any personal catastrophe that will befall any foolishly attempting to create their own Arrow of Time outside of The Bureau’s authorization.

Personnel Files: Athena [REDACTED]

Athena! Athena freakin’… I wish that the divine had surnames, just so I could spend more time saying Athena. She’s so cool. Like, if a high-five and a fist bump had a baby, it would be Athena. Which is ironic because… er, she actually never was a baby. She was born a full adult from Zeus’s head, because he had lain with this Titaness, Metis, and then swallowed her because he was afraid her offspring would overthrow him. It was this whole thing. Anyway, details of her birth are mad unimportant, so I won’t go into any further detail.

Athena is basically a bad bitch who gets it done. What is “it”, exactly, you may ask? Well, anything and everything, really. She’s the Goddess of wisdom, crafts, and tactical warfare. She’s basically Ares and Hephaestus rolled into one, except not nearly as sucky as those guys. (Great, now I’m being mean. I apologize to Hephaestus. He’s not that sucky. Ares, on the other hand, is pretty sucky. –Sis) (Wait, I just remembered that Hephaestus is actually HELLA sucky. Basically, every God is just the worst, and I wanna go fight them all right now -Sis again) You know how Hephaestus makes pretty much all of the toys the Gods get to play with? Well Athena designed pretty much all of that stuff. And all the stuff from antiquity, that predates her, was improved by upgrades she suggested. Before Athena, Zeus just had regular old lightning. Now he has forked lightning, upwards lightning, not to mention ball lightning. Do you know how much he loves that stuff? More than his wife, that’s for sure. Hey-o!

Anyway, Athena is pretty much The Pantheon’s problem solver. She has a hand in almost every major project of The Gods. You know how Tartarus has more security measures than you can possibly imagine? Athena came up with at least half of those. Our utter faith that the secrets in The River Lethe will remain lost? All on Athena’s good word. Atropos’ impossibly sharp Abhorrent Shears? OK, Athena had nothing to do with those. I’mma level with you: no one knows what those are or where they came from. At least, I certainly don’t. See, this is why I didn’t think it was a good idea for me to write about Athena. Because I honestly don’t have much to say about her other than “she’s the coolest and greatest” and various synonyms, so I keep getting sidetracked.
While Athena isn’t technically an official of The Bureau of Death, she’s something of a contractor, so you may see her in The Underworld from time to time. And, even though I can totally understand why you would, don’t just stand there slack-jawed at her brilliant splendor. Athena is super chill, and won’t mind at all if you just come up to her and start chatting. Just tell her you’re a fan of her work. Because, trust me, you are. Do you like how The Grim Scythe cuts through souls like a hot knife through butter? Do you enjoy flying across the world on winged sandals at speeds matched only by Hermes? Are you a fan of not being utterly annihilated by angry extra-Hellenistic deities with a vendetta? Then give her your thanks in person. Unless, of course, she’s super busy, which is, unfortunately, all too often. She has a tendency of being rather… curt when she’s focused on a certain task, but she’s still polite. And if she says she’ll get back with you, she will. All in all, Athena is a 10/10 badass, a 10/10 sweetheart, and an 11/10 pal. Would recommend.

Personnel Files: Athena

Hephaestus has no section within this chapter of The Reaper’s Handbook, as he needs none. The entire armory of The Bureau of Death serves as his biography. As the God of The Forge, it is by his hands that the most powerful artefacts of The Hellenistic Pantheon are wrought. Yet it is not entirely accurate to say that they are of his design. For even if you can play the lute skillfully enough to make Hades himself weep, it is quite a different matter to compose a masterpiece. In much the same way, Hephaestus’s aptitude for turning ideas into reality is unparalleled, but his capacity for coming up with those ideas is limited. The task of invention falls to Athena, Goddess of wisdom, crafts, and tactical warfare. The irony of Athena’s role as Inventor of The Gods is that she herself was invented by the Gods. She is unique in all the Hellenistic Pantheon, for she was not born of natural processes, and later assigned a domain by We, The Moirai. Her domain was preordained, and it is the very reason for which she was created. In truth, Athena is a living weapon: a second God of War.

There came a time in The Divine War when it was clear to all that the contest could not be won by brute strength alone. All sides had their champions, their paragons of strength, and none could ever definitively best the others. Mighty though Zeus and Ares were, even they were matched by Thor and Odin, Take-Mikazuchi and Izanagi, Metatron and Michael, and myriad adversaries besides.  We, The Moirai, realized that a new approach to warfare was needed, and with it, a new God of War. Yet it would not do to have this new God of War be anything less than perfect. All our hopes rode with him or her, so it was decided that it would not be enough to merely bestow the title upon an existing God. Only by creating an entirely new being from scratch could we ensure its perfection. We, the Moirai, decided that the one to shift the tides of Fate in our favor must be Goddess, in every way the counterbalance to Ares, so that their combined wisdom and might could topple even the most formidable opponents. With our final reserves of Quintessence, We, The Moirai, wove a thread of immeasurable length, that even Atropos’ own shears would have difficulty severing. Her mind is sharper yet than The Grim Scythe, and her body as resilient as the very Aegis she carries. The former was accomplished in part by the unusual circumstances of her birth: she incubated within the brain of Zeus. His cerebrum was her womb, and his brain stem was her umbilical cord. The latter is the magnum opus of The Lame One. (Look, I know he isn’t the prettiest dude, but you don’t have to call him out like that –Sis) (I cannot be faulted for using his official epithet –Chloe)

The secret of her origin is secret to most, including her “Father” Zeus, her true father, Hephaestus, and even Athena herself. Zeus was tricked into believing he’d impregnated Metis, and further tricked into believing he’d swallowed her. One may wonder what Athena had to gain from the mind of one so easily deceived. But it is not wise to underestimate the mind of one who is deceptively simple. Though originally privy to his own greatest creation, Hephaestus’s knowledge was stricken from him, following an incident that deserves no further description within these pages. Athena herself is ignorant to her own nature, though she is clever enough to figure it out. Thankfully for us, she is also wise enough to know that there are things she is better off not knowing. It is for this reason that Lethe is no stranger to her, though she be a stranger to Lethe.


(This section contains the following violations: explicit names of Divine War Criminals, information that Reapers do not have clearance to access, graphic and misleading metaphorical imagery. Editor, see to it that this section is not published in this state –Atropos)

Personnel Files: Charon

Charon is the most miserly being in existence. He is as greedy as Zeus is horny. If Zeus could only get laid by paying a whore with Charon’s money, the opposing forces would cause a black hole that would engulf all of creation (NOTE: This is science fact). Perhaps the only thing he values more than money is his title as “the most miserly being in existence”. He has even gone so far as to sabotage greedy mortals into Heel Face Turning, just so they don’t surpass him in greed. The most famous example of this is the tale of one Ebenezer Scrooge, against whom Charon exacted the most unusual revenge of teaching him the true meaning of Christmas. This all started with two pence, plucked from the eyes of Marley’s corpse, because Scrooge figured he didn’t need them where he was going. Charon has a rule that is among the hardest and fastest in existence: No fare, no passage.  So Marley was damned to wander the Mortal World as a seriously spooky ghost. Some folks on Olympus weren’t terribly thrilled about that, and one folk on the mortal world was terribly unthrilled about it, so Charon made a deal. Rather than money, he’d accept payment in the form of the only other thing he valued: his title. He’d ferry Marley across the river Styx if Marley helped him protect his title from Scrooge. Of course, Charon knew that Scrooge, a lowly mortal who often spent money to make money, could never step to him. Legend has it that the only thing Charon’s ever spent money on is the ferry that is now his claim to fame. But he wants to do more than just win. He wants to win so hard that it’s not even close. He’s not just going for the gold, he’s going for the silver and bronze, too, because them metals are precious too.

What followed was an epic haunting, seven years in the making. First, Marley visited him on Christmas Eve, exactly seven years (astute readers will note that seven is a pretty mystical number) after his own death. He rattled some chains, said how much his afterlife sucked. Standard, entry level stuff, really. But the real haunting hadn’t even begun yet. That was just an appetizer for the three course meal of horror that followed. Marley’s real purpose was to warn of three ghosts that would haunt Scrooge on that night. The first was the Ghost of Christmas Past, a candle lookin’ dude, who flashed him backwards to his memories of previous Christmases, and what he was like before he was a runner up to the Biggest Asshole Award. In particular, he showed how Scrooge’s love of money drove away the love of his life. It was pretty brutal. Ebenezer, unsurprisingly, didn’t like this one bit, so he extinguished candle-ghost. This… may have killed the ghost? I know ghosts don’t usually die, but I don’t really know that that guy technically counted as a ghost. I mean, none of the other “ghosts” were actually ghosts, we just called them that because it’s not like Ebenezer would have known any better. In any case, it’s not really my problem.

 The second “Ghost” was the ghost of Christmas Present, played by freakin’ Zeus himself. I never really pried into why exactly he agreed to it, but it I’m not going to go around pretending that it was anything other than an elaborate scheme to get laid. He pulled off the role surprisingly well. He showed Ol’ Ebenezer some scenes of how his greed was shafting everyone around him. Ebenezer’s greed, that is. When Zeus shafts everyone around him, it’s in an entirely different way. Particularly screwed over by Scrooge’s greed was Tiny Tim, some kid with rickets, which was majorly sucky back then, especially since Scrooge was too busy literally telling the poor to hurry up and die to help get Tiny Tim treated. Zeus actually threw those words back in his face when Scrooge started taking pity on Tiny Tim, which was a nice touch. There wasn’t any lightning or thunder involved, which was probably for the best, but Zeus was kinda bummed about it.

The third Ghost was the real Coup de Gras. We called him “The Ghost of Christmas Future”, but Ebenezer, total dweeb that he was, said “The Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come.” The ghost (played by none other than Captain Thanatos himself) would have corrected him, but his whole schtick was that he didn’t say anything, so he just kind of rolled with it. I wasn’t really a fan of him being silent, insisting it would be more effective if he said, “SCARY Christmas to all, and to all a good FRIGHT!” Instead, he mostly just stood around, looking exactly as he normally does, (Drop-dead spooky) showing Scrooge all the trash-talking people would do once he finally up and died. But he wasn’t the only one who up and died: Tiny Tim followed suit, all thanks to Scrooge’s greed. And since he didn’t specify which God he wanted to bless everyone, his whole “God Bless us every one” thing didn’t even count.

After being spooked proper, Scrooge became super nice. I mean, he did things that were super nice. Whether or not that makes him actually nice is something best left to philosophers, not me. Like, if someone puts a gun to your head and tells you to donate to charity, and you do it, does that make you nice? I don’t really think so. But, like, you know, whatever. In any case, Charon got the satisfaction of clinging to his title, and I get the satisfaction of knowing that Scrooge has read these very words, telling him how hard he got tricked. Even if he didn’t realize it. Merry Christmas, ya old bastard.

Miscellaneous Files: Rogue Reapers

The phrase “Rogue Reaper” commonly refers to any being which kills mortals in a way that is not in compliance with The Bureau of Death. There are two classes of beings commonly referred to as “Rogue Reapers”, only one of which fits the official definition of a Rogue Reaper as set by The Bureau of Death. This definition, which a surprising number of those under the employ of The Bureau fail to understand, is that a Rogue Reaper is a Reaper who has gone rogue. id est, a reaper, formerly under the employ of The Bureau, who has willfully broken The Rules of The Reaper and refuses to face judgement for their transgressions. This rarely happens, as The Moirai are very selective of who they choose to be Reapers, but it is not unheard of. Reapers were often powerful people in their mortal lives, and such people often have enemies. Occasionally, grudges from one’s mortal life will persist even in death, and the Reaper will abuse their power to seek vengeance. If you find yourself troubled by memories of your mortal life in such a way, you are advised to seek out Lethe, who can cast your unpleasant memories into the river of oblivion. It goes without saying that you are very much advised to NOT act on these desires. Rogue Reapers are detained by The Special Task Force and you do not wish to find out what becomes of them once they are detained.

The second class of beings known as “Rogue Reapers” are more properly called Extra-Hellenistic Reapers (EHR). An Extra-Hellenistic Reaper is any agent of Death not associated with The Pantheon. Though other mythologies are largely thought of as extinct, having been exterminated by The Pantheon after we claimed victory in The Divine War, the truth is that some fragments of these mythologies yet remain. Though none are powerful enough to pose a severe threat to the dominance of The Pantheon, some, such as The Asgardians, remain a thorn in the side of The Olympians. Their Valkyries are dangerous EHRs who tend to claim the souls of those who live a life of battle. If you should ever meet a Valkyrie, you are strongly advised against attempting to fight it, for they are extremely adept warriors. Report to a Higher Ranking Official immediately, and a Special Task Reaper will be dispatched to handle the situation as soon as possible. Note that, while the term “Reaper” typically refers only to those employed to directly facilitate the death of mortals, one who oversees death in a different theology can be considered an Extra-Hellenistic Reaper. exemplī grātiā, Hel, the Asgardian Goddess of Death who oversees the land of the same name, (It seems that the irksome habit among gods of naming one’s domain after oneself is not limited to The Pantheon) would be considered an EHR, even though Hades, her analogue in The Pantheon, is not considered a Reaper.

Personnel Files: Zeus

The King of the Gods. The Head Honcho. The Big Cheese. The “Citizen Kane” of deities. When it comes to the gods of Olympus, Zeus’s authority is second to none. When it comes to the whole of the Hellenistic Pantheon, his authority is fourth to me and my sisters’, but hey, who’s keeping score, right? Though he has no official association with The Bureau of Death, as king of the gods, he has considerable sway in all of the celestial spheres. Fortunately, Hades usually does a pretty good job of making sure he doesn’t try to interfere with our plans in The Underworld. Though he’s not really the type to care about that kind of thing. We ever find him in The Underworld, it’ll probably be because he’s trying to fornicate with a spirit of the deceased or something wacky like that. Because Zeus may be the absolute king of everything, but he’s still best known for being the biggest horndog in all the known universe. He’s gotten it on with more types of beings than you’re likely to see during your eternity as a Reaper. Goddesses? Of course. Nymphs? Oh, hell yeah. Mortals? Check. Dudes? You betcha, even if it was just that one time. It’d be shorter to make a list of all the types of beings he hasn’t fornicated with: Extra-Hellenistic deities (I certainly hope not), The Moirai (I CERTAINLY HOPE NOT).

But, despite all the shit we give him, Zeus isn’t a bad guy. After all, there is a reason that we rigged that game of chance deciding who would rule what so that he’d become king of the gods. (By the way: Don’t go around telling that to people.) He may be a little arrogant, but I certainly wouldn’t call him “ambitious”. He’s strong enough to lead when he needs to, but his libido usually prevents him from abusing his power. (Except for in one extremely predictable way, which, while unfortunate, may be the one thing that is beyond even Our power to stop. If there is one thing in this universe more certain than Fate, it’s that Zeus will always be mackin’ on the ladies.) He loves being the guy in charge, but hates having to actually take charge, so he mostly leaves the gods to their own realms, except when emergencies arise. When that happens, his desire to get on with getting it on usually motivates him to resolve the situation as quickly as possible.

If, for whatever reason, he or one of his agents starts bossing you around, it’s usually easier to just go along with it. Most of the gods have learned this by now. Unless, of course, his orders conflict with The Rules of The Reaper. If he starts getting cheeky with you, name-drop Atropos, and that’ll usually shut him up. The two don’t get along well; Zeus hates being reminded that he’s not the strongest, and Atropos hates how he cares more about his erotic escapades than her Grand Design of Fate. Which is why I’m writing this section instead of her. I know this hasn’t exactly been a glowing review, but you don’t want to read what Atropos has to say about him, and I certainly don’t want Zeus to read what she has to say about him. Zeus is like that one wacky coworker whose hijinks should’ve gotten him fired years ago. His continued employment is a mystery to all, up until circumstances force him to step up to the plate, and he knocks it out of the park. Because, while he may be a goofball, he’s a goofball that’s damn good at his job.

Personnel Files: Loki

The entirety of this paragraph is to be considered a direct order from Atropos, which must be obeyed without exception. All Reapers are to do everything in their power to minimize their interactions with Loki. Under no circumstances are they to intentionally speak with him, or in any other preventable way communicate with him. Reapers must not knowingly let his words or actions in any way influence their words or actions. If you believe that Loki is speaking with you, or in any way attempting to communicate with you, please notify a Higher Ranking Official of the Bureau with all possible haste that does not require sacrificing the performance of your duties.

                Loki is among the few Gods not of the Greek Pantheon permitted by The Fates to act with some freedom. The reasons for this number two. The first is that he is something of a tenuous ally of ours. Without his treachery, it is possible that Zeus may never have been able to wrest the dominion of thunder from Thor. The second is that we know not if we even have the means to bind him. Though he is far less powerful than his brother, he is something far more dangerous: He is cunning. A trickster god whose antics put even Eris to shame, his tongue has more silver than all the riches of Hades. In the rare instances that his charisma fails him, he resorts to deception. As a shapeshifter, he can assume any form, allowing him to easily impersonate any on whom he has laid eyes. It is for this reason that The Fates never speak with him directly; the damage he could potentially cause by impersonating one of The Three cannot be overstated. It is also for this reason that no image of him is provided here to identify him. Though he has a form that he commonly takes when he is not taking measures to disguise himself, it is unknown if this is his “true form”, or even if any of his forms can be said to have more truth than the others. Even if you do not see him in a familiar form, you can never know with certainty that Loki is not among you. Though few among the Olympians can claim to have never fallen prey to one of his japes, they are never so cruel that we all cannot have a laugh about it. And yet, as surely as we know that Death comes to all, we know that he is up to something. The most dire possible scenario is that he is secretly conspiring with the Norns to overthrow us. Yet we believe this to be unlikely, for there is only one thing we know with certainty about Loki’s next move: we won’t see it coming.

Location Files: The River Lethe

There is an important distinction to be made between the removal of memories and the destruction of memories. The former is an easy, almost trivial task. Even with no external stimuli, the mind is constantly losing its own memories. This phenomenon can be artificially induced by either physically exciting the neurons of the subject, or directly manipulating the spiritual essence of the memories. The destruction of memories, on the other hand, is a difficult undertaking. While not outright impossible, it is certainly unfeasible in most cases. Though the following explanation is something of an oversimplification, a memory can be thought of as a message, encoded in light aether and dark aether, in a way that is somewhat analogous to the binary code used by mortals. This message is then “laminated” in a film of quintessence, making it extremely difficult to destroy or otherwise manipulate the contents of the memory. (A full description of the accuracies and inaccuracies of this analogy is far beyond the scope of this handbook.)

In all but the most extraordinary of circumstances, the destruction of memories is cost-prohibitive. It is for this reason that The River Lethe exists, as a means of discarding memories which are confiscated. The obvious drawback to keeping forbidden memories intact is that it is possible for other to retrieve them by merely drinking from The River Lethe. It goes without saying that there are countermeasures in place to ensure that this cannot be done without proper authorization. The waters of The River Lethe are cursed, such that no cup can contain them. This also applies to glasses, chalices, goblets, and any implement which might be used to contain water, regardless of whether or not that is its intended purpose. It follows that, if one wishes to drink from the river, they must drink from it directly. (To do so is to receive The Kiss of Death –Clotho) Any who do so, be they mortal, God, or otherwise, are stricken by an irresistible thirst. This compels them to keep drinking, even as they are overwhelmed by a torrent of paradoxes. False secrets, which contradict the truth, are regularly planted into The River Lethe, so that any attempted offenders cannot distinguish what is from what is not. This continues until their very being is overwritten, and all that remains is a shell, filled with memories. This shell petrifies into a fountain, which slowly returns all the stolen memories to The River Lethe, where they belong. (These fountains ensure that those who gaze upon The River of Oblivion will never forget the price paid by those who cross The Moirai –Chloe)

NOTE: this is by no means an exhaustive list of the countermeasures put in place to ensure that information discarded into The River Lethe remains classified. Consider this a warning: If you somehow manage to circumvent the security system described, you will be caught by a different one, and you will suffer in ways that you are incapable of imagining. It is left to you to decide whether or not the previous statement is vacuously true.

Personnel Files: Lethe (Part 2)

Lethe is, hands down, the flakiest person in existence. Her memory is shorter than Erebus’ temper. She can forget something more quickly than Zeus can get laid. I said, she’s so forgetful, her car keys retrace their steps to find her. OK, sorry, don’t mind my savage burns just then, they were pretty mean. But they were also kind of true. Except for that last one. I don’t think that one actually made any sense.

While it is true that Lethe forgets everything, it’s really not her fault. If anything, it’s kind of ours. When it became clear that we’d need a deity of forgetfulness and oblivion, it was kind of a tough sell. Gods are fated to embody the domain they oversee, and no one wanted to live an eternity with no memory to show for it. Just when it seemed like we’d have to force the role on someone, a young woman volunteered. My favorite niece, in fact. Really, the only offspring of Eris that I particularly cared for at all, if I’m being perfectly honest. She had big dreams. Not of power, or fame, but just to help. She was pretty young around the time of The Divine War. She didn’t see it all, but she saw enough to know for damn sure that she didn’t want it to happen again. We all did. So she wanted to do her part in ensuring that the reign of The Pantheon went as smoothly as possible, even if it meant giving something up. Or maybe her memories of The War were so traumatic that she’d do anything to forget them. But that’s way too sad, so let’s just say it’s the first thing. To this day, her only persistent memory is of The Moirai, and her oath to carry out our will. She knows that, in the distant past, far beyond the grasp of her memory, some version of her would be happy to know that she is doing her very best to build a brighter future. And that’s all she needs.

Lethe is a Maximal Sweetheart. Not because there does not exist someone that I want to hug more than her, but because such a person cannot exist. Her obliviousness has allowed her to remain unmarred by the bitterness and cynicism that claims most who spend too much time down here. Unfortunately, that same obliviousness tends to frustrate a lot of people, who tend to get real nasty. These people really piss me off. Every time someone yells at her, she is surprised, because as far as she remembers, it’s never happened before. It’s scary, and it’s awful, and she’s worried that she’s ruined everything, that she’s broken her promise to the one memory she has. But even when people are being rude at her, she always does her best to try to help them. That’s why I ask that you please be patient and understanding when dealing with her, and not get mad at her. At least, don’t take out your anger on her. Actually, you know what? Screw asking. I order you to be as compassionate as possible when dealing with Lethe. You are to, in no way, intentional or unintentional, cause her emotional distress. If you do, I will find you, and so help me Gods I will fight you. Then we’ll see how you measure up.

Personnel Files: Lethe (Part 1)

Though the rivers of Hades number five, there is but one with which most are familiar. It cannot be disputed that any other than the River of Hatred, which takes its name from its cruel mistress, Styx, is the most well-known of the rivers. Yet it can be said, with equal certainty, that The River Lethe is of the greatest importance to The Schemes of The Moirai. Our understanding of Fate is our greatest strength, and our greatest weakness. If, at any time, there is any being with a greater understanding of Fate than is permitted to them, the consequences could be ruinous. This is why every precaution is taken to ensure that the secrets of The Bureaus of Death and Life do not fall into the wrong hands. Yet “every” is not always enough. When this is the case, it is Lethe who sees to it that our secrets are snatched from the wrong hands with all due haste.

When a god of The Pantheon is charged with overseeing a domain, that domain becomes them. Gods of beauty are themselves beautiful, just as gods of terror are terrible. It is fitting, then, that Lethe, Goddess of forgetfulness and oblivion, is herself both forgettable and forgetful. There are few among the residents of Olympus, or even The Underworld, who seem to remember her name, despite her unparalleled contributions to the continuing functioning of The Bureaus of Life and Death. And just as everyone and everything seems to forget her all too easily, she seems to forget everyone and everything with no more difficulty. This makes working with her somewhat challenging, as all business is urgent business. Attempting to make an appointment with her is as futile as asking The Unturning Atropos for mercy. This would severely limit her usefulness to We, The Moirai, if not for her unquestioning devotion to serving Our will. If We command it, she will going to any length, even casting her own memories of forbidden knowledge into oblivion, as unnecessary of a measure as that might be.

Equipment Files: The Loathsome Shears

Though The Grim Scythe is the Primary Reaping Tool of all Bureau Recommended Equipment Loadouts, there are several options for the Secondary Reaping Tool. The Loathsome shears are among the most popular choices, for beginners and experts alike. To a novice, their primary utility is in rectifying the incompetence of those who wield the scythe poorly. If one fails to strictly adhere to the protocols laid out in Equipment Files: The Grim Scythe, an Incomplete Tear is likely to result. Finishing a job like this with the scythe is not advised; The Loathsome shears are specifically engineered for such situations, when life hangs only by a thread. To a veteran, their primary utility is in their versatility. Though they are specifically engineered for rectifying errors, that is far from their only use. In general, they are more effective at cutting through physical matter than The Grim Scythe, and can be more easily wielded with one hand (This is usually not recommended). Though they are an unconventional weapon, this can, in some cases, be advantageous, as enemies rarely know how to counter it. In practice, using The Loathsome Shears is no different from using any other pair of scissors. It is hoped that none reading this need be introduced to the idea of scissors, but instructions are included here for the sake of completeness.

At the bottom of the Shears, you will find two ring-like handles. Grip these, so that your hands are inside the rings. For the purposes of functionality, the shears may be assumed to be entirely symmetrical across the line segment where the blades meet when the shears are closed. Thus, the handedness of the user need not be taken into consideration. Once both handles are firmly within your grasp, move your hands apart to open The Shears. Position the shears such that whatever you wish to cut is between the blades. Swiftly bring your hands together, as if clapping. One might even say that you are applauding the now deceased mortal on their performance on the stage of life, or some such foolishness. This will bring the blades together, and, if done correctly, sever the spirit of the mortal. If another Incomplete Tear results, open the blades again and attempt the same procedure, preferably aiming for a different spot than the previous time. Do not attempt to complete the tear by wrenching the shears about. This will only cause further damage.

It is common practice for Reapers to be equipped with replicas of the Hephaestus-forged artifacts used by the Gods, created by the Cyclopes, Journeymen of the Forge God. Regrettably, this leads to some confusion, as the replicas are often referred to by the same name as the originals. This issue has been circumvented with The Loathsome Shears, which have been given a name such that confusing them with Atropos’s Abhorrent Shears is quite unlikely. Unlike other such artifacts, the Abhorrent Shears are not of Hephaestean make. The nature of their origin is classified, but it suffices to say that they are beyond even the Forge God’s capability. Though the Loathsome shears are incredibly sharp, Atropos’ own are of an entirely different caliber. To even quantify their sharpness requires greater precision than the production of any replica. To assert that the Abhorrent Shears are the most lethal artifact in the universe is no mere boast. It is as true as any of the axioms which govern the mechanics of Heaven and Earth.

Personnel Files: Persephone (Part 3)

OK, look, I know that this section is kind of dragging on, especially since Persephone, admittedly, doesn’t do a whole lot within The Bureau of Death. But I think it’s kind of BS that the freakin’ Queen of the Underworld gets a bio that’s just a bunch of stuff that happened to her in the past. It’s true that her kidnapping had a great and lasting impact on the political atmosphere of “The spheres of the divine” or whatever, but she’s more than just a history lesson. So I want to give you an idea of what she’s actually like, as a person.

Persephone is kind and gentle, especially compared to other denizens of The Underworld. Most see her as a either as a figurehead, a pretty face too weak to belong in The Underworld, or a poor little girl cruelly consigned to an eternity in The Underworld by circumstances beyond her understanding. But she is none of these things.  She can be quite forceful when she needs to be, and abhors nothing more than being pitied as a tragic figure. She has learned to use people’s expectations of her to her advantage, and often gives the impression of being less knowledgeable than she actually is. Now that I’ve written that out, I realize that it kind of seems like she’s some manipulative schemer, but I promise, she’s a total sweetheart. But you don’t want to get on her bad side. Just ask Hades. Not a lot of people know this, but he’s actually super whipped. He knows better than anyone that Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned, and we’ve got, like, three Furies down here. Officially, Hades has the final say on judging the eventual destination of the souls of the deceased, but Persephone has supreme veto power. She has been known to occasionally pardon or damn souls, especially based on their treatment of animals or respect towards nature. And, while she technically doesn’t have the power to do so, Hades always knows better than to go against her wishes.

A thing you should probably know about Persephone is that she doesn’t really like Reapers. That’s not to say that, if you’re a reaper (which you totally are now, by the way) she won’t like you; it’s more that she doesn’t like the idea of reapers. She doesn’t think it’s fair that we force mortals to agree to do our dirty work forever, before they really have any idea what it entails. Maybe she pities you for being forced to an existence bound to the underworld, viewing the place you once called home only in glimpses. That would be rather ironic. And I get where she’s coming from, but I disagree. Being a Reaper is way cooler than whatever you’d be doing right now if you hadn’t chosen to read past that first paragraph. Trust me. But she’s still pretty friendly with Reapers. If you see her, don’t be intimidated by her just because she’s The Queen of The Underworld, and don’t treat her like she’s some delicate flower who might get spooked by a talking skeleton. Just say hi. But don’t make it weird or anything. Just play it cool.

Personnel Files: Persephone (Part 2)

The most outspoken detractor of the methods employed by The Bureau of Death was the Goddess Demeter. It is possible that she truly cared for the well-being of mortals, and thought it morally reprehensible that their suffering is nothing more than a means to an end. Yet it is equally possible that she just felt slighted that she, the Goddess of harvest, as well as the cycles of life and death, was so ignorant to the goings on in her own domains. Regardless, there can be no doubt that the blame lies with her for being too foolish to put together the connection between her two spheres of influence. (In her defense, a lot of Gods have unrelated domains. Like, what does The Sun have to do with music? –Sis) (Perhaps the connection is a secret we’ve decided you can’t be trusted with? –Chloe) She proclaimed that this trespassing within her domain was heresy, and demanded that Hades be punished for it. Hades wanted nothing more than to return to the way things were. For reasons that are lost to history, he believed that kidnapping her daughter, Persephone, would achieve this. (If I keep having to write notes every time we’re unnecessarily mean to someone, my notes will take up half the book –Sis) (Then stop –Chloe) (Editor, see to it that this childish bickering is left in, that new Reapers may know what to expect of the younger of The Moirai –Atropos) Demeter grieved, and intentionally began to neglect her duties as The Goddess of Harvest. Crops withered in the fields, and mortals starved. Yet Hades was unswayed, as he stood only to gain from the accelerated death of mortals. Even against the pressure of the other Gods, he remained steadfast. Eventually, Demeter conceded. If her daughter was returned, she promised to allow the harvesting of mortals to continue as it had.

Though Hades accepted the offer, he would not relinquish his queen so easily. He plotted to use The Old Rules of The Underworld to his advantage. In particular, one which states that “he or she who partakes of The Fruit of The Dead is bound to The Underworld, to remain among The Dead for all Eternity”. Though the law has since been repealed, largely due to the backlash surrounding this particular incident, Persephone is still subject to it, as it was Eternally Binding at the time that she ate the seeds of the pomegranate.  The ensuing case, Hades v. Demeter, ended with the following verdict: Since she had eaten only six (6) of the pomegranate’s seeds, she would be bound to The Underworld for only six (6) months of each year. At the time, she went on record claiming that she was deceived into eating the seeds, yet a later audit revealed that this claim was, itself, a deception. To this day, her motive for eating the seeds is known only to her. There is no ongoing investigation into the matter, and none is planned. The official stance of The Fates is that Persephone is trustworthy, and unlikely to act against the interests of The Bureau of Death. One can speculate about her reasoning all they like, but it is ultimately a personal matter, of concern to none but Persephone herself. 

Location Files: ???

                Though this world is fraught with mysteries, all are dwarfed by the mystery shrouding the worlds which lie beyond. Even among the most powerful and learned of The Gods, there are few who know that our universe is but one of many born of The Primordial Chaos. Seeing into these alternate realities is difficult, and entering them from ours is all but impossible, yet there can be no doubt of their existence. Some parallel ours very closely, differing in only enough ways to unsettle those who dwell in this plane of existence. Others are anti-parallel, as different from our world as the night is from the day; there are worlds in which those whom we know to be gods are goddesses, and vice versa. Where the Pegasus is a hoofed bird, and Medusa herself is turned to stone at a mere glance. Yet even these worlds of opposites still parallel ours. There are others that are perpendicular, bearing few, if any, similarities to what we know. They are as different from ours as the night is from an olive tree; any attempt to even compare the two is futile.

                You may wonder why we are discussing esoteric cosmology when there are more pressing matters to attend to. Surely, you might think, if none from our world can cross into the others, and none from the others can cross into ours, these worlds can play no part in The Crisis of The Dead. But this is not quite accurate. Though it is very nearly impossible, there is a single known incidence of a being crossing from one realm to another. Unfortunately, this event was the cause of the predicament we now face, as it was our very own King of The Dead who crossed into a world beyond. To put it rather mildly, this led to some complications, which even The Fates could not foresee. There’s no time to delve into specifics, but you deserve to know the gravity of the situation. Tartarus has been compromised. Though The Fates maintain that Tartarus’s security is absolute, as they always have, we have seen that even they can be wrong. That doesn’t necessarily mean that they’re wrong about Tartarus, but it does mean that they aren’t necessarily right. And if there is even the smallest chance of a breakout from Tartarus, it is a chance that must not be taken lightly, as it could bring about a calamity yet more ruinous than The Godly Crusade.

                But we cannot abandon all hope. He who brought about our damnation may yet be our salvation. Though The Throne of The Underworld lies empty, it is not abandoned. Its rightful heir will return once his mission is accomplished. Even now, he lives in a world nearly identical to how ours once was. He is as ignorant to how much our world has changed since he left as the residents of that world are to the fact that a foreigner sits upon their Deathly Throne. Though he bides his time as Hades, the day is fast approaching when he will act as Orcus. He will overthrow the gods of that world, and take their power as his own. When he returns, he will return as a hero, and all will venerate his true name: Pluto.

Personnel Files: Persephone (Part 1)

Many see Death as the one certainty of the universe, for all which has a beginning must have an end, and that end is Death. One might say that the gods, being immortal, are the exception that proves this rule. But there is a force to which even the gods succumb: Love. For even those beyond the reach of Thanatos find themselves firmly within Aphrodite’s grasp. Hades himself is no exception, and it is for this reason that he shares his throne with his wife, Persephone. As Queen of The Dead, Persephone’s authority in The Underworld is second only to her husband’s. However, her power to influence the domain of The Dead outstrips her desire to do so. By her own choice, her active role in The Bureau of Death is minimal. Yet it cannot be said that her role as Queen is not vital to The Underworld. Her place on The Throne of The Dead is of great political importance, if nothing else. A reaper such as yourself might wonder what cause he has to concern himself with the politics of the Gods, which are often no less petty than the squabbles of mortals. Yet it is vital that all within The Bureau understand the consequences of their actions, for Death holds great sway within the spheres of the Gods. Even the lowliest Reaper has powers that the Gods themselves would kill for. Yet they do not, for the power to do so is what they lust after in the first place. There are those on Olympus who mistrust Death, see us as deceitful, and search for any opportunity to turn against us. All employees of the Bureau must understand the political environment of the Divine, so that this opportunity is never found. An incident crucial to the formation of this environment is the tale of Persephone, a tale of a girl split between two worlds, held together only by red tape.

In the ancient past, The Meaning of Life (Refer to Miscellaneous Files: The Physiology of Mortals for more details) was known only to the Moirai, who guarded their secret against even the Gods themselves. But this changed when One of the Three, who shall remain unnamed, made an error in the measurement of the thread of life. This alone was of little concern, but in apologizing for her mistake, she revealed something not meant to be known. (Look, I already said I’m sorry, and that I’m sorry for saying that I’m sorry. No need to pin all the blame on me –Sis) (We did no such thing. You pinned all the blame on yourself –Chloe) The rumor spread as though carried on Hermes winged sandals, fast enough that the currents of The River Lethe could not keep up. It was not long before Olympus was in an uproar. The Pantheon was split between those who approved, and those who thought the harvesting of souls reprehensible. Some feared that an all-out war would break out, with sons turning against fathers in a ghastly echo of the Titanomachy. Perhaps the only thing preventing this was fear of another Divine War, spurred by a perceived weakness of The Pantheon.

Location Files: Tartarus

In this universe, there exist beings whose power is such that Death alone is not enough to stop them. Tartarus is*. Tartarus is a maximum security prison, not because there does not exist a more secure location in the universe, but because such a thing cannot exist. To escape from Tartarus is no more possible than adding the numbers 2 and 3 to get 7. To do so would contradict the unshakable certainties on which Fate is founded. Much of its nature is highly classified, known only to The Fates. Perhaps the least imposing of its fortifications is the presence of the three Hecatonchires, a name which translates to “Hundred handed ones” from the Old Script. Whether this translation is literal or metaphorical is of little consequence, as those who lay eyes on the Hecatonchires rarely survive long enough to count them all. Though there are more terrifying countermeasures in place, you are permitted no knowledge of them, save the assurance that they are beyond your capacity to imagine.

Though much effort has gone into fortifying Tartarus, it is not technically correct to assert that Tartarus was built to contain the greatest threats to The Hellenistic Pantheon. Tartarus was not built at all. Rather, he one of the very first Primordial Beings, coming into existence shortly after The Origin. The location Tartarus† has been used as a dungeon since the so-called “Golden Age” overseen by Cronus, but it was only under the rule of The Olympians that it was augmented into a perfect prison. These augmentations were enacted as a countermeasure, to ensure that The Golden Age stayed in the past. Tartarus is also home to the several primordial deities, like Tartarus himself, who were cast there when Cronus first usurped The Heavenly Throne. Among them are Nyx and Erebus, parents to many of those who now call The Underworld home, as well as Gaia, Uranus, et cetera. And though they are the most fundamentally powerful beings in all of the Hellenistic Pantheon, they are not the greatest danger lurking in the depths of Tartarus. This distinction belongs to the war criminals of The Divine War. Their names are highly classified. Few are permitted to know them, and even those with sufficient clearance are forbidden from uttering or writing them. The motivation for this taboo is, itself, classified information. (For an exhaustive coverage of the limited information about The Divine War to which Reapers have clearance, see Miscellaneous Files: The Divine War) Ultimately, there is very little that Reapers need know about Tartarus.  It suffices to say that Tartarus is an extremely unpleasant place, where extremely unpleasant individuals are kept. If you do not wish to learn just how extremely unpleasant Tartarus is, it is advised that you refrain from being extremely unpleasant.

* enough to stop them (The aforementioned beings). This sentence was cut short for dramatic effect in a way that is grammatically correct, yet somewhat ambiguous. Hence, the inclusion of this footnote.

† The relationship between Tartarus, the entity, and Tartarus, the location, is fundamentally unlike that between Hades, the entity, and Hades, the location. The Underworld is merely named after Hades; the being of the God and the being of his realm are entirely discrete. Tartarus, on the other hand, is a singular existence, which manifests itself both as a location and a personification. However, the metaphysical subtleties involved in this distinction are far beyond the scope of this handbook.